I grew up in a broken home and at the age of 17 decided I could not take anymore of it. I cared for my family, but we did not know one another. I joined the Army and made it through half of my senior year in high school. Since this was the first time in our area that you could graduate early, I made the choice to graduate and leave. For three years, I searched in hope of finding answers to life, but it seemed to escape me. I was very lonely and I used to talk to a friend about God and whether he really loved me. Neither of us had a very good image of God. We saw God as someone very distant and unloving; a task master ready to strike us down when we crossed the one line we had set in our lives for morality.
In 1979, in Stuttgart, West Germany, I heard the message of God's love come from my friend. She had been raised by her grandmother who died. She went home on emergency leave and came back after the funeral. For two weeks, I had never before seen a human being cry and be so depressed. I did not know what to do and my own disappointments could not bring words of encouragement and consolation. Then two days later, she came to see me, the most happiest person I could imagine. She told me that she had found Jesus, that his love for her and his forgiveness were overwhelming. She had "accepted" him as her Lord and Savior.
I could only think that she somehow had gotten involved in some sort of cult and did not know what to think. She had one of the people from this chuch come to see me and we talked for awhile. I listened as he told me that Jesus gave his very life just for me. He died on the cross to bear my sins and wanted to forgive me. I was not sure about all of this and what I should do. I had been going to my own church, but had not found much of what he was telling me. I decided to go to this church and see what it was all about. They were Pentecostal.
I went the next Sunday morning and was very shocked. They really shouted and hollered praise to God and sang unlike ever before heard by me. The preacher spoke about God from the Bible also in a way that I had never heard. At the end of their service, he asked if people wanted to be prayed with and to come forward. For myself, I did not want to go. I was not going to get up in front of all these people. Suddenly, someone was tapping on my shoulder from behind and saying, "Sonnie, you should go up there, it will change your life". It was an older lady and she would not stop. I finally got up and went forward, but only because I wanted to get away from her and there was a part of me that wanted what I saw in these people.
As I knelt down to pray, the people who gathered around me, told me to ask God to forgive me for my sins. They would pray and God was going to be there. I did not say a word, but as they prayed, inside I remember just thinking about really wanting God to be personal and real. Then something very strange happened. I felt like the top of my head was opened and water began to pour all through me. It went all the way down to my toes and seemed to flow right out of me. I felt clean and had a sense that I was not dirty anymore. I did not know what to make of all of this.
I left that day, not sure what had really happened or what I should do, if anything. The next Saturday, I woke up at 3AM, something I did not normally do. It was raining out and the wind was really strong, almost making the rain fall sideways. Since, I could not sleep, I decided to put on my raingear and walk around the base. As I walked, I heard a tune come into my mind, "The rain that is falling, the wind that is blowing, is my spirit that will keep you growing". I did not know what this meant and wondered why I was singing this. Later that day, I decided to go down to Stuttgart and see if I could find these people. They would preach on the street and then later have a service somewhere in the area. I took my red New Testament that the Army gave to me when I entered the service. As I rode the street car, I heard a voice that told me, "Read Luke chapter 11".
Up to this point, my only prayer life was praying the "Our Father" before I would go to sleep in a desparate attempt that just in case I died, I might not go to hell. I was not sure what Luke was, so I looked at the front of the Bible and found where it was located. I turned to this page and when I read the scripture, I was overwhelmed. It said that John's disciples came to Jesus and asked him to teach them how to pray. Jesus told them the following:
"When you pray, say, Father, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come. Give us each day our daily bread. Forgive us our sins for we too forgive all who do us wrong; and subject us not to the trial."
He went on to speak a parable and told them, "Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find; knock and it shall be opened to you. For whoever asks, receives; whoever seeks, finds; whoever knocks, is admitted. What father among you will give his son a snake if he asks for a fish, or hand him a scorpion if he asks for an egg? If you , with all your sins, know how to give your children good things, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him."
My eyes, for the first time, were opened. I knew that God was telling me that I needed the Holy Spirit in a way that I had not known before. I could not wait to find these people and ask them to pray again with me. I found the place where they normally preached, but no one was there. At first I was frustrated, not believing that God would play such a joke like this on me. Then I took a step of faith. I believed that God wanted me to know him, so I asked him to show me where they met. Again, I heard this voice. I was being told to walk down this way and turn that way. Walk two blocks here and turn there. After about 20 minutes, I ended up in front of a little storefront. I saw one of the men from the church walking down the street. He asked me how I had gotten there, but I could not answer. I was too excited. I went downstairs and at the end of the service, I went forward on my own. As the people prayed over me, I felt love and power like nothing else. I felt totally accepted for who I was. All my guilt was gone and I knew that there was nothing in the universe more powerful than God.
I left that night, so full of joy. I could not stop singing. I had to go through a red-light district to get back to the street cars and I just could not stop singing. People looked at me like I was drunk or something. I had so much joy and when I got on the street car, I could not stop singing. I kept to the back of the street car and most people moved forward and stayed away from me. When I got back to the base, I told everyone that I saw, "Hello, God loves you.". I was so filled with immense joy and a longing to tell everyone how much God loved them.
The years have passed since then and many changes have taken place. Today, I am married and work as a manager of Computer Systems. I have watched in amazement as God has healed others using me and those in the church. God wants all of us to be reconciled to him and to experience the love and forgiveness that he offers. I hope that my sharing may have touched your heart and that you might consider what God offers you. I would love to hear from you if you have questions. My prayer for all is that each one comes to a deep and personal relationship with God to serve him in the Church and in the world.
Live Jesus!
Bruce Murphy