The Mystery of the Dipper and the Bucket
You have heard of the cup that overflowed. This is the story of a bucket that is like the cup only larger; it is an invisible bucket. Everyone has one. It is always with us. It determines how we feel about ourselves, about others, and how we get along with people. Have you ever experienced a series of very favorable things which made you want to be good to people for a week? When this happens, your bucket is full to overflowing.
A bucket can be filled by a lot of things that happen. When a person speaks to you, recognizing you as a human being, your bucket is filled a little - even more if he calls you by name, especially if it is the name you like to be called. If he compliments you on your dress or on a job well done, the level in your bucket goes up still higher. you make a mistake; a friend says, "I have had this happen to me. Let me give you a hand." There must be a million ways to raise the level in another's bucket; writing a friendly letter, remembering something that is special to him, knowing the names of his children, expressing sympathy for his loss, giving him a hand when his work is heavy, taking time for conversation or , perhaps more important, listening to him.
When one's bucket is full of this emotional support, one can express warmth and friendliness to people. but, remember, this is a theory about a bucket and a dipper. Other people have dippers and they can get their dippers in your bucket. This, too, can be done in a million ways.
Let's say I am at a dinner and inadvertently upset a glass of thick, sticky chocolate milk that spills over the tablecloth, on a lady's skirt, down onto the carpet. I am embarrassed. "Bright eyes" across the table says, "You upset that glass of chocolate milk." I made a mistake, I knew I did, and then he told me about it! He got his dipper in my bucket! Think of the times a person makes a mistake, feels terrible about it, only to have someone tell him about the mistake as though he did not know it happened.
Imagine that you go to a meeting alone, you are smiling, but wish you knew somebody. You notice another person standing by himself. As you are looking at him he catches your eye and inquires about the dining room. you tell him you don't know; you both start looking. Soon the dining room is found and he suggest that you have lunch together. You are pleased. One of the well-known members of the organization comes by and says to your new acquaintance, "Hey, how are you? Good to see you. How about eating with us?" Your newly-found and lost acquaintance tosses back, "Nice to see you." He got his dipper in your bucket!
Buckets are filled and buckets are emptied. Emptied many times because people don't really think about what they are doing. When a person's bucket is emptied, he is very different than when it is full. You say to a person whose bucket is empty, "That is a pretty tie you have," and he may reply in an irritated, defensive way, "What's the matter with my tie now?"
Although there is a limit to such an analogy, there are people who seem to have holes in their buckets. When a person has a hole in their bucket, he irritates lots of people by trying to get his dipper in their buckets. that is when he really needs somebody to pour it in his bucket because he keeps losing and losing when he needs it most.
The story of our lives is the interplay of the bucket and the dipper. Everyone has both. The unyielding secret of the bucket and the dipper is that when you fill another's bucket it does not take anything out of your own bucket. The level in our own bucket gets higher when we fill another's and, on the other hand, when we dip into another's bucket we do not fill our own, we lose a little.
Sometimes we can protect ourselves and others by saying, "Hey, you have your dipper in my bucket!" or, "We are getting our dippers in his bucket." Instead we can say, "Let's fill his bucket" and, in doing this, experience the mystery of the dipper and the bucket.
Dr. Donald A. Cliffton
University of Nebraska